I have a problem. I feel that I want a relationship more than anything else, and my behavior reflects that (like I will pick a crappy singles event over something fun in hopes that I find a relationship), but I don’t find a relationship. Instead I fall obsessively in love with random strangers from the internet or acquaintances who I barely know and I basically end up harassing or stalking them. One time I fell in love with a lesbian and I honestly kept trying because I thought maybe she’s bi or maybe she’ll leave her girlfriend to be with me. I actually ended up romantically stalking her. Another time I thought a homeless woman was secretly in love with me and that spray paint that says the word “Love” is actually a secret love message from her to me. Turns out I was just harassing a married homeless chick (and there was zero evidence that the “Love” spray paint was a message for me). That was erotomania (as in https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania ) and with the lesbian it was romantic stalking. I never realize it at the time, though. I want a relationship where I can be 100% honest and myself and where they unconditionally love me for my true self, but in reality the only person like that is my mother and I barely even think about her wants or feelings. I think there’s something wrong with me but I can’t out my finger on it. In practice when one woman says “I want a serious relationship” and another woman says “I’m poly and looking for something fun”, I naturally am more interested in the latter (sex), but I keep having this feeling like I want a relationship and it never goes well. The one time where I did have a real relationship it totally wasn’t like that - I didn’t love her at first and she sort of grew on me over multiple dates. In the end it didn’t work out and I ended up harassing her and she blocked me. Maybe I’m too selfish or self centered - I kind of fall in love at first contact and get bored of people quickly. Maybe the falling in love thing is actually mental health related like in connection with my bipolar mania or schizophrenic symptoms. I dunno. Does anyone else here have a similar problem?
I think maybe what I really truely want is a source of attention that isn’t my mother.
yeah dude, no offense but so does 99% of the human race. we can’t choose what happens to us, but can choose how we react to it.
if theres something you can do about your symptoms, do it. but don’t hate yourself for what you can’t control. (actually don’t hate yourself for the stuff you can control either, just control it.)
and believe me, I know that’s really frustrating to hear, but I’m not talking about moving mountains, I’m talking about starting a journey of a thousand miles with a few steps every day.
I’m really not trying to sound insensitive, but maybe you should get a cat or a dog or something.
or like a hobby.
ugh, sorry that sounded awful. I just mean maybe you could redirect that feeling. as long as it’s into something healthy.
Just try to remember to give people space, including the girl you’re going after .