I keep seeing sexist incel shit so I felt like negating some of that. As I see it there are two possible purposes in life. Either happiness or procreation. If the purpose of life is happiness well she deserves happiness just as much as he does and if the purpose of life is reproduction well she should get to choose who she reproduces with. Also I don’t think it matters who women have sex with because if it doesn’t produce babies it doesn’t really matter - sex is just something that feels good. Like if I were married all I care is that the kid is mine - I think she should be allowed to have sex with whoever she wants to as long as she doesn’t make babies because I fucking don’t want to take care of somebody else’s kid. Actually maybe who a person has sex with does matter for people who get attached but without attachment or procreation it doesn’t matter.
Anywho, I also think sex is kinda over-rated. Like I’m sure sex without a condom feels really good but I don’t think that is something that matters in life. Like one time I had sex with a prostitute and she deep throated my dick and it felt really good but honestly I didn’t care that it felt really good. It’s kind of a worthless pleasure, sort of like eating table sugar. Like eating table sugar feels really good but it’s actually shit - it rots your teeth and makes you fat and unhealthy. I’ve never put my dick in a pussy without a condom and I bet it’d feel really good but it spreads disease and can make a baby that you don’t want and the baby will just have a shitty life because nobody wanted to make it. So yeah, I think sex is over-rated. Sex with a condom on didn’t even feel that good - a fleshlight felt better and to be honest I don’t even bother using one anymore because it’s a hassle - I just want to orgasm to relieve some pressure and then fall asleep. Other than that I really don’t care how good it feels. All I want is no built up discomfort and to have a good night’s sleep.
Some guys (incels in particular) get mad that no woman wants to have sex with them but to be honest I don’t think sex matters. Like once I went to this swingers BDSM sex party and people were flogging each other and having sex in these secluded rooms where other people can watch and this one guy who I watched have sex with this woman (who appeared to be his girlfriend) said to me “I had sex twice tonight” and my first thought was “I don’t care”. Like I didn’t care that he had sex. To be honest what I generally feel a desire for is a sort of connection and usually that desire is associated with my bipolar and doesn’t turn out well. It usually turns into me bothering her with lots of messages or me stalking her with some sort of delusional hope that she be in a relationship with me. I have since given up hope of ever being married or having kids - whenever I try it turns out bad and I know it’s because of me - not her.
From age 13 to age 18 I really wanted to have sex but when I finally had sex it wasn’t that great. It was with someone who I didn’t really want to have sex with. She sort of inadvertently pressured me into the sex (she couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t have sex with her and I said “I’ll have sex with you tomorrow” and I just wanted to cuddle that night and ultimately we had sex even though I didn’t want to at that point in time). After that I felt that I wanted a relationship but she didn’t want me to be her boyfriend. One time I tried to hold her hand outside while walking next to her and she literally slapped my hand away. I lost sexual interest in other women when we started having sex regularly but the relationship was really stressful and she used me for sex and I didn’t want to hook up but she sort of manipulated me into it. One time she invited me over because she wanted to have sex and when I came over and wasn’t interested in sex she got frustrated. From age 18 to age 22 my goal was to find a romantic relationship - sex wasn’t that great.
Other than her I had a couple of one night stands where I came too fast and after every one night stand I felt that I wanted a relationship or at the very least to go on a date but she never contacted me again or she wasn’t interested in a relationship. When I finally did have a relationship at age 22 I thought to myself “I finally did it [had a real romantic relationship]” but it ended with me harassing her with my mental illness fueled crazy. I didn’t want it to end but at a certain point I started having all these panic attacks and got all desperate and clingy. Kristian, she emailed me this breakup message:
I wanted it to last but that relationship died - she never talked to me again. She blocked me on Facebook. I kept emailing her but she stopped replying. Eventually she emailed me that she got married with someone who she knew before she met me. I think that was the last email she ever sent me.
Other than Kristian I had a lot of stalking and harassment issues that were mental illness related. They were all my fault. I’m sure I could have had a happy successful marriage if I never came down with mental illness but after it began things changed for me and to be honest I don’t think I’ll ever get married. I have kind of accepted that.
I am 26 now and I don’t blame women for my dearth or sex (which I haven’t had since I was 20) or lack of real romantic relationships (which I haven’t had since I was 22 and dated Kristian - we never had sexual intercourse). I blame myself and my mental illness. I had a thriving social life and was popular before I turned 13 and became mentally ill but after the mental illness started the number of friends that I had went way down. Before my condition developed (which was around the time of puberty) I had a friend named Cathy who I ate lunch with - just the two of us. I regret what happened but in the end she wouldn’t even talk to me. I really liked Cathy. I don’t blame women - I blame myself and my mental illness.
I used to think that the purpose of life was biological procreation and that the purpose of my life was to find a long term relationship, get married, and have a kid. That was my goal. In that regard I have failed. I am 26 and living with my parents. I don’t know what the purpose of life is but if that is the purpose I am a failure. If the purpose is to find happiness well sometimes I am happy and sometimes I am not but happiness is a fleeting thing. When I had physically debilitating suicidal depression at the age of 13 I felt no pleasure or enjoyment in anything and I came to the conclusion that the pursuit of happiness is a futile thing. The pursuit of happiness does not cause happiness. I truly did not believe that the purpose of life is happiness - I believed it was marriage and family (i.e. biological procreation) and I believe that I am a failure. I have given up on that goal - all it brings is disaster.
That being said I see LGBT people who never have kids or reproduce biologically and I guess they must have a purpose or place. Maybe procreation isn’t the purpose of life. People hold attitudes towards things in life. For example I hold the attitude that getting married and having kids is a mark of success and when I look at people close to me, I feel that a woman should have a child, that people should not commit suicide, and that people should not cause abortions to occur. These are things that I feel are right and they are also attitudes that I typically hear from social conservatives. That being said at the same time if the purpose of life is happiness (rather than procreation) then maybe these things aren’t right because a woman can be happier if she doesn’t have a child, a person can be taken out of their misery if they commit suicide (which can be referred to as euthanasia), and an adult can be happier if they don’t have a kid that they don’t want, attitudes that I typically hear expressed by people who are not social conservatives. In this regard my feelings and my beliefs differ. That being said I didn’t believe that the purpose of life is happiness. To be honest I don’t know what the purpose of life is or if life has a purpose at all. I don’t know what is right or wrong.
But I don’t blame women for my life going downhill. I consider myself an incel but I don’t blame women for anything. None of my failures are their fault. My inceldom is not their fault.