What am I doing wrong?

What am I doing wrong in this conversation? What is wrong with me? See: www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=956559358023115&id=100010071796996

Here is what I see:
You’re guilting her for not responding to you (at least it comes across like that), showing weakness (depression, bipolar, “To be honest I don’t really know what I’m doing” (this can be also construed as you asking her to pity you). Females hate weak men), and insanity (schizophrenia. I remember reading that this illness have major genetic component. Females evolved to be disgusted by such non chad things). You also have sub8 face.

It’s a miracle she even responded to you сonsidering the fact that females have hundreds messages a day and the fact that you guilted her and asked for pity in the message before her first response and showed weakness in the p.s. of the first message. Also, several hours may be not enough time to respond when you have 30000 unread messages :rofl:

I’m surprised you even get responses on these things.

“Me: I don’t know if you were actually going to write a thoughtful response, but I don’t think so. In reality I think what happens is I fall in “love” with random women because of my bipolar and I expect them to do the same to me, but they don’t. It’s an illusion. I suffer from erotomania. Best of luck with your life and your job and your dating.”

I mean it’s basically you admitting fault after fault in yourself… you realize having even one fault disqualifies you in 2019 right? I have tried the tactic of just admitting I have ASD, but you take that and do it tenfold with all these terms and issues you bring up.

Don’t bother with dating apps anyway. You will never get anything out of wasting hours on them.

Take it as a universal rule of thumb: If you don’t have much else going for you in life, you will always have the lower ground when it comes to negotiating with other people.

This applies not only to dating… but also things like careers, job interviews, friendship, etc.

Clearly you don’t have much else going for you in life and you’re hoping to get that miracle girl to provide you with meaning and purpose. That’s a game you’re never going to win.

Regarding chads vs non-chads, keep in mind that a chad can very easily become a non-chad if he gives up on himself. In fact many neckbeards are just failed chads. They had the bone structure, etc. but not the will to actually keep up with their aesthetics.

Same applies to many fat chicks a.k.a failed stacys. Everyone has to work on themselves.

I wouldn’t listen to the advice of the 2# poster. You have chad features although I would probably swap the glasses for contacts… shave the beard and hit the gym.

Still no amount of aesthetics will change anything for you if you’re just going to be neurotic spending all day autistically waiting for people to reply you on messenger and getting hysterical at every [Seen at 2:09pm :heavy_check_mark:] .

…That was acceptable to do as a teenager when Facebook first came out but if you’re 25 or older you should have grown out of that a long time ago… even if you are a reclusive, internet addicted autist.

I’m certainly not an expert when it comes to online dating. I’ve had a few responses but never dated anyone from there. I’ve had one close call but she said she already met someone just before me, or perhaps just a fake excuse of hers? She did say she liked my profile and thought it was funny. In this same dating app, I also ended up having a penpal from Europe for a while, and another from another state. and other brief communications, including from someone I actually met before in real life and I asked her if that was her, wasn’t completely sure.

But those people who responded however briefly, usually my beginning message to them was very simple.

I sort of like your initial message. The boardgame was good because she likes that. Cater your message to what she likes. Maybe try to be funny. Perhaps don’t even bring up your issues yet. And don’t constantly message her before she even has replied. Wait until she’s already in the meetup with you. If she likes the first impressions you give then maybe she’s willing to gloss over your issues more? Well just my thoughts.

Good luck :slight_smile:

far be it from me to tell you how to get a girl, but I’d agree with Anna Reed when she said it’s lot to unload on someone. you suffer from mental health issues, and thats okay, mention it, clear the air, and move on.
don’t keep bringing it up.
and don’t assume that she’ll be interested in any person for any reason. seems like from the conversion you invited her for pizza, first thing. maybe you should see if shes okay with some small talk first. she’ll want to know how you are to talk to before meeting you somewhere.

limit yourself to a couple messages and move on.
you messaged her 9 times. first impressions are really important. especially with online dating.
you (anyone) can maybe salvage a bad introduction with a follow-up, but she doesn’t like your 1st-2nd messages, she won’t like your 8-9th. and by that time she has definitely moved on already.
you should too.

I know what it’s like to fall for someone based a profile with no interaction. that’s not “just how you are” that’s something you need to work on (and so do I). your heart is reaching out for affection, you need to rein it in. control it, instead of letting it control you. (yes, I’m speaking from experience).

“Our hearts are wild creatures, which is why our ribs are cages”

I think the problem is that I desire this random person too much. Like I felt that I wanted her (and only her) from the moment I saw her waivy hair in the tiny thumbnail in the corner of the app. Like it’s too much desire for a random total stranger. I think it’s mental illness driven, this “falling in love at first sight” thing. Like it happened when my mood went up from depression. I think it’s tied to an “up” in my mood cycling. Also, the excessive talking and pressured speech might also be a manic symptom. She blocked me because she was annoyed.

Probably not a mental illness… not anymore than finding literally ANY food enticing when you’ve been starving.

I agree. I’m no psychologist but that doesn’t sound like a mental health issue, it sound like being starved for affection.
I’m not saying they’re totally separate or that they don’t compound one another, I just don’t think every behavior is caused by mental health.

I don’t feel starved for affection. I think what’s wrong with me is I don’t feel things from other people’s perspective. Like I was totally surprised and in disbelief when she blocked me - I literally looked over the list of people who were matched with me like three times. I shouldn’t have been caught totally off guard by it.

Love at first site is totally degenerate and will lead nowhere. However having rose colored glasses has proven to be beneficial in the long term in dating. So basically its ok to put someone up on a pedestal but if it is based initially solely on looks, you might have a very bad time.